Diary of a PR Flack

Donald Trump upset NBC didn’t ask him to fire Martha Stewart

Looks like Martha Stewart's going to write herself a letter.

That's because NBC passed on a second season of "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart" after seeing its ratings suffer. The series finale will air on December 21.

Stewart's post-prison media blitz hasn't been the rousing success Mark Burnett hoped it would be. I watched the first episode of her "Apprentice" show and longed for Donald Trump to mercifully zap her with The Cobra.

Even "Martha," her syndicated daytime show, has received sluggish ratings.

Perhaps the American public was more fascinated with Stewart behind bars. The media frequently speculated about her career after her release from prison and all eyes were on the new Martha last March.

But her TV moves proved to be poor decisions. Instead of showing the public a new Martha we've never seen before, she recreated the same old daytime show and tried to fit into Trump's molded formula while forgetting to bring a personality, quick wit, and flair to the tapings. Let's be honest, only Trump can pull off something that smug and self-promotional without daydreaming of punching him in the neck.

Stewart should've used her newfound freedom to rebrand herself. Unfortunately, she tried to fit in with the current state of television programs instead of redefining it like she did 20 years ago.

That's what you get for listening to a reality TV producer instead of a public relations advisor.

Unintelligent remarks in support of intelligent design

If anyone ever needed a PR pro by his side, it's Pat Robertson.

The founder of the influential Christian Broadcasting Network and Christian Coalition told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city," Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The 700 Club."

"And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there," he said.

Supporters of intelligent design claim that certain forms in nature are too complex to have evolved through natural selection and must have been created by a "designer." Opponents say it is just another attempt by conservatives to introduce religion into the school science curriculum.

Whether you believe that God is our creator or in Charles Darwin's theory, a well-known figure in broadcasting should never make apocalyptic warnings to a specific region or demographic. The citizens of Dover voted for a new school board via the democratic process. That's the way it works in the United States—state your agenda, argue your points, and let the voters decide if they agree with you.

This is nothing new for Robertson, a man who's a first ballot inductee into the "PR Blunder Hall of Fame." Last summer, he called for the assassination of Venezuelan Present Hugo Chavez. In 1998, Robertson warned residents of Orlandoa that it risked hurricanes, earthquakes and terrorist bombs after it allowed homosexual organizations to put up rainbow flags in support of sexual diversity.

Robertson's threats to his non-believers isn't converting anyone to his beliefs. In fact, he's just fueling the fire of resistance and disdain for himself and the Coalition he represents.

He would surely benefit from a tour of duty in Media Training Boot Camp.

The robots are coming! The robots are coming!

I've always held the following philosophy when it comes to purchasing maid services to clean my house: "If I need to hire other people to clean my home, then my house is too large or I'm lazy."

But purchasing a robot to clean my floors?

Now that's just plain creepy.

iRobot Corporation has sold over 1 million robotic vacuum cleaners and floor scrubbers. And the first robot (representing iRobot, of course) became the first droid to ring the Nasdaq opening bell yesterday. Unfortunately, Will Smith wasn't there to join the thingamabob for the bell ringing ceremony.

Frankly, this whole robotic thing frightens me. Technology has advanced over the years and, as a result, has eliminated humans from performing certain functions. Automated answering services have replaced human operators. EZ-Pass is the bane of former toll collectors everywhere. And thousands of ticket takers at movie theatres have Moviefone voodoo dolls tucked under their pillows.

So if the evolution of technology—spearheaded by humans to essentially replace humans—has wiped out thousands of jobs before the Dawn of the Droids, what will the robots be doing 30 years from now?

Hopefully it won’t involve writing press releases and pitching The New York Times.

Update: Sticky buns case gets stickier

Looks like Bob Dougherty, the guy mentioned two posts below, has trademarked his "my buttocks was glued to your toilet seat and I'm going to sue you" story.

That's because Ron Trzepacz, former director of operations for the town of Nederland, where Dougherty lives, told the Rocky Mountain News Dougherty told him he was glued to a toilet seat in the town's visitor center in the summer of 2004. Unfortunately, Dougherty didn't flush himself down the toilet and was able to pull himself free.

And, in true Dougherty fashion, he appeared on "Inside Edition" last night and several other radio programs discussing his horrible trauma at the hands of the men's lavatory and denied Trzepacz's allegations. (I don't know about you, but I wouldn't willingly discuss the trauma I experienced in a Home Depot bathroom with every news program in America. But that's just me.)

Once again, the sympathy Americans had for Dougherty has quickly turned to annoyance and, more importantly, skepticism for his allegations.

CEO to blogs: CUL8R

The results are in for this year's PRWeek/Burson-Marsteller CEO Survey. And the big news is that head honchos aren’t head over heels to embrace the blogosphere. In fact, only 7% of CEOs surveyed currently blog and 50% said they do not plan to launch a blog within the next two years. The most common reason cited was "lack of time."

Say it ain't so, CEOs.

Look, are they making excuses for not going to the gym or for sidestepping blogs? I mean, blogs are the perfect vehicle to regularly communicate with employees at a large company. They're personal, provide an interactive forum and give CEOs some much needed "Web cred" with their employees. And I didn't even mention anything about communicating with your customers!

Times have changed inside skyscrapers. It's not all blue suits, heavy starch and words like "synergy" that consume a CEO’s day.

Perhaps CEOs should spend a little less time communicating with shareholders and put that energy towards creating some goodwill amongst his or her employees.

The butt of all jokes

Bob Daugherty went into a Home Depot restroom, sat on the toilet and quickly noticed that his buttocks was glued to the seat. He yelled for help, but Home Depot employees thought it was a prank.

Dougherty is now suing Home Depot for $3 million, citing post-traumatic stress order.

This story has made national news because it's unusual and—to be honest—rather humorous. No, not in a "we're laughing at you, Mr. Dougherty" kind of way, but in a "listen to what happened to this poor guy" way.

However, Dougherty's image as a sympathetic character might've been tarnished with his appearance on the "Today" show this morning.

Katie Couric interviewed Dougherty and his lawyer (free publicity...woohoo!) and Couric asked Daugherty what went through his mind once he realized that he was unwillingly stuck to the toilet seat.

Dougherty: "I panicked, but thought I’d be able to get out of the situation. You know, men are good problem-solvers..."

Couric: (Insulted, but trying to cover it up with a chuckle) "And so are women."

I watched this segment while eating breakfast with my wife and she was instantly offended. Me? I was just surprised—and quite impressed— by her early morning anger.

The problem with this morning's interview is the simple fact that Dougherty is agreeing to be interviewed on live television. He should refrain from doing any interviews until the case is heard in court or settled outside of it. After all, he is suing a major company for $3 million dollars. If his lawyer wants to get more press coverage for his client, then the lawyer should be hitting the press circuit on behalf of Daugherty.

Dougherty obviously could use some media training and it's his lawyer’s fault for letting Dougherty make a comment that was offensive to many people.

At the end of the day, Dougherty went from being a sympathetic figure to a male chauvinist. And he hasn't even received a penny from Home Depot.

As far as the public’s perception goes, Dougherty's stuck in another mess.

Thumbs down for Las Vegas mayor

Appearing Wednesday on the "Nevada Newsmakers" television show, Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman suggested that those who deface freeways with graffiti should have their thumbs cut off.

"I'm saying maybe you put them on TV and cut off a thumb," Goodman recommended. "That may be the right thing to do."

Wait, there's more.

"I also believe in a little bit of corporal punishment going back to the days of yore, where examples have to be shown," Goodman said.

Is this guy serious?!

"I'm dead serious," said Goodman, adding, "Some of these (children) don't learn. You have got to teach them a lesson, and this is coming from a criminal defense lawyer."

Well, it appears that the one-time criminal defense lawyer created a criminal PR offense by suggesting televised punishment that dates back to what Annie Wilkes referred to in "Misery."

"It's called hobbling...it's for the best," said Wilkes.

Goodman is the mayor of one of the fifty largest cities in America and he's suggesting something primitive that it threatens to set back our civilization by a century or two.

One has to wonder where the heck Goodman's advisors were when this TV program was taped. It's imperative for elected officials to prepare for their appearances on television and radio. Have a message, stick to it and don't risk making a gaffe you can’t recover from.

In the case of Goodman, his idiotic suggestions were not only aired on a TV station in the Las Vegas market, but published across the world in hundreds of newspapers and Internet sites.

Now that's what I call "hobbling your career."

Fuel prices might become a major buzzkill

A recent article in the Boston Business Journal announced that Boston Beer Company—makers of Samuel Adams—reported a 15 percent increase in sales for the third quarter. That's surprisingly good news for a seemingly flat beer industry.

But here's what caught my attention from the article:

The company (Boston Beer Company) said increased fuel costs could cause it to raise prices next year, a move competitor Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. of St. Louis said it also may make.

Look, I bite my tongue every time I pay $45 to put gas in my Honda Pilot.

I take a deep breath whenever I think how much it’ll cost to heat my New Hampshire home this winter.

But I'm liable to transform into Michael Douglas' character from "Falling Down" if rising fuel costs end up increasing the cost of beer.

Instead of casting a dark cloud over the possibility of a price increase, Boston Beer Company would be better off taking the side of the consumer by announcing that they will not raise the price of Samuel Adams—unlike some other beer makers.

This is a perfect example of turning a negative obstacle into a positive campaign. Samuel Adams could target their PR and advertising efforts trumpeting this goodwill-to-consumers message and not only increase loyalty to their brand, but steal away market share from ticked off Budweiser consumers.

The bottom line is that consumers are tired of paying for the increase in fuel costs every time they fill up their gas tank, heat their home, order a pizza for delivery, or hail a cab.

As a non-discriminating beer drinker, I'm imploring Boston Beer Works—and all other beer makers—to refrain from raising prices. Turn this situation into a positive one.

Or risk having your sales skunked by the increased costs.

The wonderful world of guerilla philanthropy

A&E's new series "Random 1" premiered last night and it signaled the debut of mass media embracing the concept of guerilla philanthropy.

Unlike heart-tugging shows such as "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "Three Wishes," "Random 1" doesn't screen its applicants with wannabe Supreme Court Justice furor and pimp more sponsors than a NASCAR driver's ride. The charm of "Random 1" lies in the show's title and the well-known bumper sticker asking people to perform random acts of kindness.

John Chester and Andre Miller, the show's do-gooders, drive to random cities and help people make a change for the better in their lives. Their high-tech RV is full of a crew that falls into the unfortunate cliché of unnecessary reality TV bickering. Luckily, the show's good-hearted hosts are able to drown out the behind-the-scenes squabbling and, ultimately, make "Random 1" a somewhat pioneer in broadcasting a new kind of philanthropy to television viewers.

So can guerilla philanthropy catch on with PR pros?

Of course.

And it’s not just for the cause-related PR firms.

Even PR pros that don't deal with non-profit organizations can perform random acts of kindness and turn them into favorable publicity for their firm if they have the right concoction of spontaneity, sincerity and smarts.

This type of publicity can also help a PR firm pave a path towards working with a non-profit organization that they truly want to work with. For example, Aloft Group is full of animal lovers who wanted to work with the Humane Society of the United States (HSUS). We didn't go around rescuing stray dogs off the streets of Newburyport, but we relayed our feelings and desires to HSUS and they agreed to accept our pro bono services to help promote Black Beauty Ranch.

There's something very rewarding with cause-related campaigns. For those helping the needy and those in need.

Making a statement

Long before my days as a PR guy, I always had an odd affection for written statements. Sure, most people think written statements are boring, but I love dissecting every sentence to find the true meaning lurking beneath the propaganda. And the discovery hiding underneath every well-crafted written statement is the same.

A whole lot of nothing.

As a case study, let's review the written statement released last night by Theo Epstein, former general manager of the Boston Red Sox general manager. At 31 years old, Epstein was the toast of Boston. His abrupt resignation has been widely blamed on a Boston Globe columnist's recent article airing out dirty laundry between Epstein and Red Sox management.

Epstein's written statement has every necessary element: praise for his former employers, a positive outlook on his future and the future of the Boston Red Sox, and not much more. No bridges burned. And no damage to his market value.

So on this Tuesday, I offer you Theo Epstein’s written statement. I hope you enjoy the beauty of it as much as I do.

"First, I want to thank John Henry, Tom Werner, and Larry Lucchino for the opportunity to serve as General Manager for the last three seasons. Their support and friendship mean a lot to me, and I wish them all well. I also owe a debt of gratitude to the players, Terry Francona, the coaching staff, the front office, the baseball operations staff, and the fans for making my Red Sox experience so meaningful.

Growing up in the shadow of Fenway Park, I never dreamed of having the chance to work for my hometown team during such an historic period.

My decision not to return as General Manager of the Red Sox is an extremely difficult one. I will always cherish the relationships I developed here and am proud to have worked side-by-side with so many great people, in and out of uniform, as together we brought a World Championship to Boston.

In my time as General Manager, I gave my entire heart and soul to the organization. During the process leading up to today's decision, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer do so. In the end, my choice is the right one not only for me but for the Red Sox.

My affection for the Red Sox did not begin four years ago when I started working here, and it does not end today. I will remain on the job for several days as we finalize preparation for next week's general managers meetings. Thereafter, I will make myself available to the organization to ensure a smooth and stable transition.

My passion for and dedication to the game of baseball remain strong. Although I have no immediate plans, I will embrace this change in my life and look forward with excitement to the future."